Since my cousin has brought up the subject of carnivorous testicles (in the comments a couple days ago) and I don’t have anything else to say, I guess I will tell that story (again, I know I’ve told it before). Actually there’s a mini-story and then a bit longer one.

The mini-story is that when I was in college and renting one of those crappy box apartments with several other people (including my cousin actually), we were having a pizza dinner one night. A roommate’s boyfriend was there and he didn’t eat meat. So we had a veggie pizza and a non-veggie pizza. I forget who was cutting the pizza but they apparently cut the meat pizza first and then made a movement toward the veggie with the same knife. He yelled, “DON’T USE THE CARNIVOROUS UTENSIL!”

Sometime after that, in the summer, I was at the moominbeach and my other cousin UKW was visiting her parents Radical Betty and Duke. UKW is a total butts-up blueberry picker and when a blueberry picking expotition was scheduled, I weaseled my way into it even though I am NOT a total butts-up blueberry picker. I just wanted to spend time with UKW.

So on the expotition were Betty, Duke, UKW, and me, and we were driven by Lewie, a childhood friend of my old coot and Radical Betty. We were rattling around out on the back roads in the area between Brimley and Raco and about all I can remember about the actual blueberry picking was sitting on a little insect-infested hummock with “I got my thrill on blueberry hill” running through my head.

I don’t remember how it got started but I told my story about the carnivorous utensils and Radical mis-heard it as carnivorous TESTICLES. Hilarity ensued as it often did when Radical was around.

Her mind must have been in the gutter that day in general because another thing that happened was Lewie kept talking about a “cat house” in Raco. Radical Betty somehow got the idea he was talking about a BROTHEL! In Raco? I mean there’s hardly ANYTHING in Raco so if there is any trade in prostitution, it probably doesn’t happen in an actual brothel. You’d have to have known Lewie (a lifelong bachelor) but the idea of him purchasing favors from a WOMAN is unimaginable. BUT GUESS WHAT? The “cat house” he was talking about was a building where BULLDOZERS were stored! “Cat”erpillars! Imagine that!

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