Knock knock knock.

Oh, da

Knock knock knock.

mn.

I am in the Blue and Only Bathroom.

Knock knock knock.

In a state of half-dress, no less.

Knock knock knock.

Would it be TMI to say I was pantsless?

Ding dong ding dong Avon calling!

When I get home from work, I change outta bizcaz into slodging around clothes pretty directly. I also wash my feet (hoping that’s not TMI) I do all of this in the Blue and Only Bathroom.

Ding dong ding dong.

I leave the front door unlocked when I am doing this. In fact, I leave the big ugly wooden door *open*. I like having light come through the glass outer door. Of course, this leaves the house open to anyone who can open a door. Duh. It’s a safe neighborhood but every neighborhood is only safe until it isn’t.

So. Who the hell is at the door? Panic. Whaddoo I do? I am not dressed!

Knock knock knock. Knock knock knock. Knock knock knock.

Is this a solicitor? Or a potential intruder… If it is a solicitor, what flavor of solicitor is it?

• Is it one of those cute, perky PIRGIM kids?
• Is it someone collecting canned goods? (The *only* flavor of solicitor that I welcome. Want some ramen noodles?)
• Is it a damn fool kid asking me to buy candy/magazines/whatever from him to keep him off drugs? (Note to damn fool kid: Stay off drugs.)
• Is it a Jehovah’s Witness? (Ask my JW friend Kev if I am a good prospect for joining up with the Witnesses or any other bunch of holy rollers.)
• Is it a weird guy in a car who wants to sell me cleaning supplies? (I never did figger that one out.)
• Is it one of those clean water type persons? Yer preachin’ to the choir, lady. Go hit up those folks in the McMansion neighborhoods.
• Is it somebody in an old pickup truck that wants to take down my tree? Hey, that tree has already fallen on the house once. Do you really think it’ll do that again? (Don’t answer that.)
• Is it a big, scary looking male-type person?

It was the last option. He did have a clipboard… I somehow managed to scramble into some pants. I walked outta the Blue and Only Bathroom with much trepidation about who the hell was at the damn door. Fortunately, when I was about halfway across the living room, he… left… Yes. He did not see me. Thank you god or whatever. I’m sure he was harmless butchya never know and I do feel vulnerable when I have had to scramble some pants on.

People. The *only* solicitors I will *ever* buy anything from are kids from scouting groups (although I am now reconsidering the boy scouts…) and the neighborhood elementary school. Even then, if they are selling something I don’t want, I will be more likely to give them cash. Everyone else? Get offa my porch! Do not come here. I feel bad when I have to tell you “no thank you”. You think I am a bitch. My day is semi-ruined. You go on to the next house. LEAVE ME ALONE!!! Especially when I have just come home from work. What the hell were you thinking?

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